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Sat 26th Jan I'm all alone in a disused insane asylum, the place I now call home, in Ealing Broadway on a Saturday night. I can't drink 'cos the hospital put me on a bunch more drugs, and I can't play music 'cos my thumb is broken. I got a guitar, a keyboard & a chessboard here, my laptop and an inflatable mattress. Just tinkered with www.thebed.co.uk, whilst stealing the wifi from the theatre next door to listen to the Cardigans with my tea & biscuits. "I'm dating ancient ghosts, the ones I made friends with." |
Thu 24th Jan Hospitals & crooked hands cannot fail to influence the songs I'm in the process of spawning, and moving to a disused insane asylum can only add flavour to that. But I do believe that art should be beautiful, so how on Earth does one beautify a hospital waiting room? The man sitting opposite me just did a fine job of it. Ricky Gervais achieved something similar with Derek, which I consider wonderful, but am not at all surprised that it wasn't received so well across the board. Unattractiveness is all too often equated with ugliness. To be pretty sounding has never been the cause, but to be beautiful is key. Desolation of scene does not correspond with desolation of feeling, in fact often the opposite is true, but desolation of scene used to evoke a superficial darkness in the soul is a cheap shortcut to the shallows of the heart. We look to create a balance of scene made up of extremes in consideration, a weighted to & fro, an unstark contrast not juxtaposed but blended to form an organic, harmonic whole. |
Thu 24th Jan Back in the hospital now. It's good to be aware of your health, if you have it. It's good to be aware of what little health you have, have you any at all, though that's probably easier said than done. The National Health Service is a wonder, I was in hospital for under 10 hours in Spain and was charged around 200 pounds, but as The Tourist travelling without health insurance, I was Lucky. Now, No Surprises Please. An elderly chap sitting opposite me just offered to tie my shoelaces when he saw that I was struggling with my damaged hands. I obviously declined, gratefully, but I'm quite astonished, the guy must be in his 80's. I pray that some of the old English respect & consideration for others has found it's way into me & my generation, my heart is ready to break at the kindliness of what just happened. There are not words at my command for the qualities of some folk, I only wish they'd prioritise the elderly here in this queue for the doctor because, at the risk of sounding patronising to a superior, I would happily wait all day if it meant the gentleman opposite would be seen first. |
Thu 24th Jan Skip this week if you're here for the music, right now my protracted healing is all I can write about! I've been to the big mumma Royal Free hospital as referred (what does that name even mean, that there is no royalty there?) but the hand department is closed for lunch so I've gone to grab a local coffee in this ludicrously swanky pub in Hamstead. Now I know this area is particularly well-off, but I'm noticing all over London that things are getting a lot nicer. The quality of establishments in this town is far higher than anywhere else I've ever been, I just wish they'd lose the televisions in all the pubs for one thing. This place even has the music quite right - what's this playing as I take my seat by the fireplace - a female vocal cover of Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths?? What is going on man. I saw a Joy Division t-shirt in the window of an office print shop on Ruislip Hight Street on the way here, hanging next to a hoodie with a Geek logo. It's so cool to be a geek now that it's just another word that no longer has meaning. Deftones did a fine cover of the apparently ubiquitous Smiths song back in the day: |
Wed 23rd Jan I put my x-rays from the Barcelona hospital on facebook just for a change of profile, and nurse friend Emma saw the one of my hand & suggested I go to get it seen in England. Today I woke up, went to central London to pay my rent & collect the keys to my new room in an old mental institution in Ealing Broadway, met a cello player on the way home (whilst carrying a fire hydrant), then went to a local hospital to get my thumb checked out. Now I've got my entire hand in plaster & my arm in a sling, and I'm being sent to the royal free hospital in London tomorrow to have more things done to my poor body. To say I've been jumping the gun is an understatement, it feels like I'm going through the healing process backwards. But you know what, I got that room. And thank you Jet Tea & Emma, you may have saved my thumb! |
Tue 22nd Jan So, to clarify & develop this point: (Most) people are so very nice that they often become reluctant to accept that they are the centre of their own existence. We are humble creatures, but sometimes this denial of an ego can be destructive when we look to blame others for things that are actually within our control. Being selfless becomes an excuse to be weak. Personally I'm always questioning myself with regards to this blog - who is interested to read my inner monologue & why would anybody care what I'm thinking? - but then I remember, we are all kings but with only a small twist of perception we also are drones collecting pollen, we share visions, we are mothers & we are not always alone in the centre of our natures. Once again, the key is balance, but let us not forget to remain in the frame, and keep our sights set on what can be seen, and what done, from these lighthouse heads held high. Don't judge yourself too harsh, my love Or someday you might find your soul endangered. Neil Young (Natural Beauty) |
Mon 21st Jan The last sentence I wrote has stuck in my mind. Who am I to shake up a nation of nobheads? I've decided - along with everybody else, I am the king. Everyone is a king of their country and queen of the world, owning the only known territories in a solipsistic realm. Each person has a right & a power to change their surroundings, if only for him or herself. I am the king & the principle character of my life in England, and I will start by servicing my chariot & surveying my lands; my beautiful gardens of England. And then I may have to learn to play the cello. |
Mon 21st Jan Jumped the gun a little bit, looks like I aint as fixed as I hoped to be, but I just can't sit still. Wanted to pop back to New York at the end of Feb, but forgot what a short-ass month that is, I'd only be there for a few days. I'll go if I can find a real cheap flight. Bleach The Chameleon is on the verge of mastering, but there are a couple tiny things that I wanna fix first, and in London everything seems so much harder to accomplish without huge sums of money. I need a cello player for like five mins to play a couple of notes, and you can't imagine how difficult that is to find without paying crazy wages. My friends are a blessing, but nobody else wants to lift a finger for the love of anything in this place, it's no wonder that nothing decent has come out of London for some time. Giving this city the good kick in the teeth it needs will be a real challenge & a pleasure. |